Daughter changes locks and refuses to let Mom move back in after she abandoned her 4 kids for 5 years to live with a boyfriend, and expects to just reclaim her old room

• 
  via Tim Bernhard

  Close-up portrait of a young woman outdoors with glasses resting on her head.

  ^{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• For context, this woman left four kids at home without parental supervision, told them they had enough of each other to get by, and drove three hours away to play house with someone else's children while her own figured out how to raise themselves. She returned occasionally for clothes or during arguments, treated visits like pit stops, and genuinely seemed to believe that delivering that speech about understanding when you are older counted as closure. The kids got older. They still do not understand it, which is the correct response.

• "My mom thinks she deserves to move in after her bf broke up with her."

  Hi sorry if this is all over the place that’s how my head is at the moment.

  My(20f) mom(41f) is wanting to move back with me and my siblings. I’ll try to keep it short but basically she and my stepdad got divorced in November of 2020 because he caught her texting another guy. It was messy and he ended up leaving that same night and we didn’t hear from him for a few months which I don’t blame him for since he was going through a lot (betrayal) and needed to process some things. He’s still very much supportive and takes care of us kids.

  I say “step dad” just for the story but I do take him as my true dad. My bio dad wasn’t in the picture much at all and my step dad took me in as his own when I was a baby. So he is my dad. This is relevant because I feel some people might think I don’t have a close relationship with him, but I do. He’s the best and I love him. He treats me like his own

• After that she left and moved in with said guy and has left us four siblings at home without any parental supervision and has been like that since. She was really horrible to us kids since she moved in with the guy and treated us like we were a burden, sometimes acting like we didn’t exist while she played “mommy” to his younger kids. Me and my older sibling had to step up and take care of us all (me up until I was legal age) but I helped.

  When she left all she said was “there’s more than enough of you to rely on each other” and “you’ll get it when you’re older and have children of your own.”

  Personally, I wouldn’t abandon my kids for an cruel guy. But maybe that’s just me. (Sarcasm)

• She would come back sometimes, but it was only for a day or two to come and get clothes or if they got into a fight and then leave back to him who lives three to four hours away.

  We got into a huge argument a few months ago when she and the guy broke up and he kicked her out for the billionth time and tried to guilt us saying “kids need their moms” and all that. I told her something along the lines of “when did you care about this five years ago when you left us claiming we’d understand when we were older? We’re older now and we still don’t understand how a woman can do that to her kids.”

• 
  via Tim Bernhard

  Close-up of a young woman outdoors, looking upward in warm sunlight with glasses resting on her head.

  ^{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• After that she got mad and that’s where the argument started, she said some not so nice things about me and my siblings that I won’t repeat here but just know it was things a mother should never say to her kids. It ended with her going and staying at our grandparents and texting my older sibling and I guilt trips and playing victim that my grandparents told us to block her. But spoiler alert, she went right back to him a few days later.

  After this my older sibling took her to court for custody of our younger siblings and the house and told her if she doesn’t hand over the kids or the house in their name peacefully, they’d out her in court and tell them what she’s been doing. Blackmail isn’t right I know. But it worked. My mom gave the house and the kids to my older sibling and claimed to be an unfit parent. That was it.

• Now, she and the guy broke up and are apparently done for good as he’s thrown out all of her things, she got a new number and called my older sibling asking if she could have her room back in the house and she would “never leave us again”. We’ve already turned her room into the youngest’s and she likes her space. Obviously we told her no.

  This is when she started playing the victim card and tried turning it around on us saying that we are mean and she’s “done everything for us kids” and that “our dad turned us against her”. We told her our dad doesn’t even talk about her anymore unless we bring her up and then she started getting mad saying we are “ungrateful brats” AGAIN, and that we should be thanking her for even giving us the house and not throwing us out like she wanted. She then proceeded to demand that we let her move in and that she wasn’t taking no for an answer, that she raised us and that she’s still the mom and has final say.

• We threatened her and told her if she even tries anything, we would get the police involved, but so far, that hasn’t stopped her. She’s going to try and move in sometime tomorrow because all she said was “we’ll talk in person about this, see you soon. Love you.” and honestly don’t even know what to do if she does. I really hope she doesn’t go through with it so we don’t have to get the police involved but so far, that looks like where it’s going.

  Today we changed the locks thanks to some advice.

• EDIT: good morning, I honestly really didn’t think this would get that much attention. I just posted and went to sleep. I just brought the kids to school and am at work till noon. My older sibling is at home waiting to see if she shows up this morning at all. We decided to take shifts (them for the morning and me for the afternoon) so the house isn’t left alone. We also contacted our uncle and aunt on my dad’s side for support in case.

  Thank you so much for the nice and supportive words and the advice! I’ll make sure to read everything once I can. Have a good day.

  NoticeImpressive8683

• 
  via Tim Bernhard

  Close-up portrait of a young woman outdoors with glasses resting on her head, softly smiling.

  ^{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• What is particularly rich about this situation is the messaging. Kids need their moms is a real sentiment that carries real weight, and it deserves better than being deployed as a negotiating tactic by someone who field-tested the opposite theory for half a decade. Invoking motherhood as leverage after opting out of it is not an argument, it is just noise dressed up in guilt-trip clothing.

• The house being legally transferred, the younger kids in formal custody, and the locks changed are not mean-spirited moves by ungrateful children. They are the logical outcome of a woman who made her priorities extremely clear and then acted surprised when the people she deprioritized made arrangements accordingly. The youngest sibling's room is now her own space. That room did not sit empty waiting for its original occupant to come back between breakups.

• The see you soon text sent without an invitation, framed as a visit that is already decided, is the finishing touch on a pattern that has been consistent throughout. She does not ask, she announces. She does not consider, she arrives. And she has spent so long expecting the kids to absorb whatever she needed that it apparently did not occur to her that the kids had stopped waiting at the door a long time ago.

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